Wednesday, June 6, 2012

BYTT-Week 7


Week 7 started off with Memorial Day and while we still had the dreaded posture clinic, they let us out early and announced that we had the evening off! What??! No class? Unbelievable. Then the loud music started, coming from the pool, and we realized it was a pool party! Everyone was stoked.

And then things got messy. Tuesday morning's class was cold. Barely any heat at all. And when we all showed up for the 5pm class, they told us it was cancelled. We were having a hard time believing it. TWO nights in a row of no class? A bunch of people scrambled for rides to some local studios to catch class. We were in a regime here, our bodies have been conditioned for two classes a day, and it was weird not to have class. And then in lecture that night, we were told there would be no class the next morning either...

We didn't have class from Tuesday night to Friday night. Turns out that one of the Trainees called the fire department about the yoga room. I guess there were some safety issues that he noticed. The fire department shut us down. What a mess.

They continued to have lectures and posture clinics, but no yoga. And people started to get cranky. The yoga is why we are here. And sitting in those dang lecture chairs for hours on end can only be tolerated when you know you can stretch it out in class later. And they pretty much kept us in the dark about everything, and changed up our schedule, and pretty much flew by the seat of their pants when deciding what to do with us.

So from having a rigid schedule for 6 weeks, to having all this chaos, really brought out some interesting emotions.

For me, I really saw how much of a loner I am. I guess I didn't really make any friends here. All the free time had people grouping together for classes at other studios, or going out to dinner, and I never got invited. I asked a few people to PLEASE let me know about a yoga outing, let me squeeze in, and no one ever remembered. I kept asking people to go out to dinner, but they had plans with their Group, or they wanted to do something else. There was even a night when we were let out of lecture early and a bunch of people went to the beach and a girl came up and invited the girl I was chatting with and completely ignored me. I never felt so invisible. That was my week. The week of feeling invisible.

I'll admit: I had 2 expectations for this experience, and both of them have been shattered into pieces. Yes, I know you shouldn't have expectations, but how is that any different from setting an intention? I intended to really work hard at healing my knee, and that didn't happen, in fact, it feels worse most days, and I intended to make some really good girlfriends. I made a lot of girl acquaintances but no friends. I don't think I will keep in touch with any females I have met here.

However, toward the end of the week, after a lot of reflection, I realized that my strength is my alone-ness. I was a very shy home schooled teenager, who had 5 brothers, so I spent time either alone daydreaming or reading, or with my brothers and their friends. I feel very comfortable around dudes, and they feel comfortable around me. I do enjoy the freedom to move around, sit next to a new person every lecture, instead of always with a group, and I did make some good friends here that are male. Yes, my weekend laundry and breakfast buddies, and the people I eat dinner with in the hotel lobby are guys. I didn't see it until the end of this week, and it was a strange revelation that I am still processing. I am stronger alone, and I  draw male friends. Maybe it is because I am comfortable being alone, that men like to hang with me? Because I don't need companionship all the time? I think this is something I didn't know about myself until this mad journey, and I am still trying to figure it all out.

So, because we didn't have yoga all week, when they finally did get it fixed, they decided that we should have class on the weekend too. Normally, we have an 8am class on Saturday and we are free until Monday. But now we had to come to class at 8am and 5pm on Saturday AND Sunday. (And some people who had make up classes had to do THREE in one day!) So no days off! People were PISSED. There were some who had tickets to a baseball game, plans for a day at Disneyland, dinner reservations, one guy was even supposed to be in a wedding! It threw everyone in a tizzy. The staff told us that this is part of the journey, unexpected things will always come up, and you have to learn to roll with it.

But now that things are back to normal, I am noticing that the derailment changed a lot of people. Getting off the routine has made people not care anymore. Some of my most dedicated to learning the dialogue group-mates have told me that they just don't care. They are over it. Just counting down the days. I feel the same. I feel like we are done. It is so hard to get back on the roller coaster after it stopped with such abruptness mid-journey.

We have had some interesting lectures lately. Not sure what they have to do with the yoga, but at least some of them have been entertaining. In posture clinics, we are now stringing together 3 postures at a time. A lot of people have their first class of teaching already scheduled back home.

I don't really know what is happening with me yet. I think I am going to India, but I haven't heard anything about it since I have been here. I am just too tired to really care. I am literally $1000 away from living on the streets. I have no job, no car, no where to go, and am almost out of money. (And no, I don't have a savings account. When I say last $1000, that is exactly what I mean. I will spend this thousand and then have to hold up a sign on a street corner. I am that broke.) I spent everything I had to come here, and I really hope it will be worth it. Sometimes, when I want something, I really go for it, without taking the time to wonder if it is the right time. I am too impulsive, I think. But this was something I wanted for so long, so I am proud of myself for accomplishing it. I have always thought of myself as a dreamer, but now I can say I am a do-er as well. :)

1 comment:

  1. Not sure how I found my way to your blog, but here I am :)

    Just wanted to say: Wow, thank you for being so open and honest. I am planning on going to teacher training next year sometime (hopefully?) and I have a feeling my experience might turn out similarly. BUT, no expectations, right? We will see.

    I wish you all the best for your next steps after TT <3