Thursday, August 22, 2013

Not a bed of roses....

It's been difficult.

Lots of adjusting.

I took Husband to my family reunion. He enjoyed meeting everyone and everyone liked him. He tried bacon for the first time and liked it. In fact, he has been very good about trying things, food-wise. Unlike me in India. :) He likes how clean our streets are. He likes the look of our semi trucks. He likes how quiet it is compared to India and he says the weather is wonderful.

 But things are going on with his family back in India that make him feel guilty for being here. I am not happy here, and am paying so much to sublet this apartment, that we have no money to go out for dinner or even drinks, let alone do anything fun. Thank God his Uncle is feeding us at his restaurant. Husband goes to the restaurant every day, to have tea with Uncle, to sit and chat in Hindi, to call the family back in India, to watch cricket, whatever. I go to work. Occasionally, I go eat at the restaurant. We barely see each other. It's weird. Maybe it will be different if we go back to my island, but at this point, he might have to go back to India. Things are not good back there.

 I have enjoyed a few road trips. I have gotten to see lots of old friends and do some continuing education classes. Seeing my niece more often has been such a blessing. Doing yoga with old teachers has been wonderful, and I even got to teach a couple of classes! So I am glad to be here on one hand, and on the other I am just shaking my head at my continuing impulsiveness. I always plan these mad, exciting adventures when I have very little money, and then when I get down to $10 to my name, I have a freak out. It happens so often, you would think I would be used to it, but, no, every time it takes me by surprise! :)

We are just hanging on through the summer, and then we have to make some decisions. I can't afford to have him come back to my island with me. I will need to couch surf while I make enough money to buy a car and get a place. His Uncle doesn't really have room for him to stay here. So he might go back to India and work while I go back to the island and work. I don't even think he wants to live in the US. In India, he lives like a king. His mom feeds him and takes care of him, he is surrounded by family, and he works for the family business, the job he's been doing since he was 17. Here, he has no skills and would have to start from scratch. As a 38 year old man, that is hard to handle. I have a hard time taking care of myself, and I am so much in debt that I can't see how it can possibly work.

 Maybe we made a mistake. We like each other, but when reality kicks you in the face, it is depressing. I am not able to see a positive future for us, unless we will both be happy just living in our own countries and then visiting each other every year, and what kind of marriage is that? He is a positive person and thinks everything will work out, and I am just tired of all the struggle. It's been a long struggle to get him here, and if the damn government would have just given him a tourist visa, he could have visited a long time ago and then decided what to do. Now we've done all of this immigration thing, and we don't know if he can live here. I am so tired.

I guess I am destined to be a single wife forever.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Let's begin again...

I don't even know where to begin to catch up with this blog.

Husband is finally coming.

I have bounced around a lot in the last two years. I am still living out of a suitcase. I cannot seem to settle. I have been on and off this island so much, and it is looking like I have to leave again.

Husbo wants to live near family. I get that. He has an Aunt, Uncle, and cousin in the Pacific Northwest city that I lived in for 8 years and he wants to live there while he gets used to my country. I get it, but it doesn't make it easier for me. I left that city for this island because the weather almost killed me. I just got back 5 months ago, found a beautiful studio with a view of the ocean, and started two new jobs. Now he wants me to pack up and move. I am dragging my feet and just feeling so torn.

I have to be a good wife, right? Compromise and all of that? Ugh.

But, I have to admit, the opportunities for teaching yoga and learning to be a better teacher will be much better on the mainland. I have been teaching about 2 classes a week here and it is going well,but I am a bit stuck. The owners are not on island, and most of the teachers don't practice, so I really don't get any feedback or mentoring. It is nice to have the space to get comfortable with teaching and challenge myself in certain ways, but I know that if I am to get better, then I have to go somewhere else.

So I gotta go, right? I have two months to decide.

I am very excited at having him with me in my country. There is so much to show him! After years of being a single wife, with a relationship mostly through Skype and FB chat, it will be nice to actually live our lives at the same time and place. Everything is about to change.

I am so ridiculously nervous and terrified of making the wrong decisions. What is best for all parties?

How will this work so that both of us will be happy?

The next few months will be a strange time of anticipation, transition, and adjustment.