The Ugly Truth

It is the night I go home. We are at a friends place in Mumbai, waiting for my flight. I get to order one more dinner of butter chicken before I go. :)

I am so relieved to be heading back. It was wonderful to be here with him, to get to know him better, but it was difficult to realize some hard truths about myself.

Having too much time on my hands was not good for me. My mind can take one little thing and blow it up into a presumptive mess. It is challenging to face the the fact that I am not nice when I feel helpless, stifled, unsure. There were many times these last two months that I did not like myself.

It is hard enough to deal with a country, language, food and customs that are not my own, but I had to throw in a burgeoning relationship that was supposed to grow in a somewhat artificial environment. I am not this person that  he knows. I am an independent individual who supports herself, who texts her friends, who goes to Bikram yoga everyday, who loves her car and her bike, loves drinking at the local pub with all her island friends, who visits the library once a week, and likes to eat out for almost every meal. All of these things I don't do or have here.

He made a comment about something that he thought wasn't me, and it floored me because, in my country, it is me. He doesn't know me at all. He only knows the girl who is in India on intermission from her life and responsibilities.

I tried not to post when I felt bad, which is why I posted a lot less than I thought I would when I made this blog. It is not easy for an Aries to admit her faults. To admit that I don't like myself when I feel helpless, worthless, and left out. To feel resentful when Husband is not keeping me in the know, filling me in, informing me of plans ahead of time instead of just springing things on me that were just discussed by everyone in the room but me, because I don't understand the language. No matter how many times I ask everyone to speak in English around me when plans are being made, they unknowingly slip back into Hindi after about three minutes.

Sigh. It's not his fault. He has been wonderful. He is so patient, says that he understands. Didn't hold it against me when I picked fights with him out of boredom and frustration. I hope that I can be as accommodating and gracious when he is adjusting in my country.

It amuses me that I think our daily phone calls when we are apart are a more realistic way of getting to know the details of each others lives, thoughts, and dreams than me being here in a suspended state of living.

Being with someone from a different country is hard. Being married to him means I can't hide from the things I don't like about myself. In order to love him, I have to learn to love all aspects of myself, and it is disconcerting to accept that I am not perfect! ;)

Thank you to all my supportive readers, and to all the gori girls who are with Indian men, and blog about it. I am thinking that I will keep this blog to write about the extensive immigration process that is ahead of us, and hope that it helps others in the same situation.

This sojourn may be over, but the adventure is just beginning.

Indians love to party

Lots going on!

The boy next door is getting married and the neighborhood is full of activity! These large tents have been erected, in the street in front of our house, and in the field in the back. Tonight is the DJ party, tomorrow is the wedding. Unfortunately, we are going to Mumbai tomorrow, so I wont see the wedding, but today I have been out there taking lots of photos.

There are about 50 women, dressed in their nicest sarees, with mehndi all over their hands, arms and feet, sitting on a cloth rolling out rotis. They all had to bring their own rolling stones and pins, and it is a frenzy of women chatting as they roll and transfer to a larger plate that other women come around , consolidate, and collect. A few adorable little girls are trying to help as well. I will have to post pics later.

And there are about 20 men just sitting around, watching.

As I take photos, I can recognize a few Hindi words that inform me that the women are asking my MIL about me.

I tried to snap an unobtrusive photo of the groom standing there looking like a prince checking on his subjects, (and maybe just a tad bewildered), but he caught me and rewarded me with the most beautiful smile. I fell in love just a tiny bit. ;)

I gotta get back out there! Need to keep spying on the activity! Love this.

And, there really is nothing more beautiful than an Indian woman dolled up in a glittery saree, adorned with gold bangles, necklaces, earrings, and nose rings, sparkling jewels in her hair, and dark mehndi decorating her  limbs. They are queens, and I am the poor, pasty, pale outsider, the comic book next to the Mona Lisa. It inspires awe...

You've heard of Indian traffic, right?

Ouch!

 Oh boy. So last time I was in India, the traffic scared the hell out of me. I was usually yelling at husband to slow down, stop following so close, please don't hit the pedestrians, I can't watch this! Surprisingly, I felt safer on the motorcycle as it is able to swerve in between and around and felt like less of a coffin. We had a few close calls, and got hit five times, just little bumps and nudges, where you just stop, glare at the other driver and move on.

 This time, the traffic is more like a video game, where I am enjoying the seamless beauty of swerving, darting, shuffling, hedging, and honking, gasping at close calls and itching to be my own driver. Oh to tackle it and conquer! I would do this, not that, go here, dodge there, jump through that opening, squeeze in between those trucks, pass this loser, fall back now, grin maniacally at my fellow contestants, exhilarated, and loving how alive driving is here.

But accidents do happen and I experienced my first one last night.

 On the motorcycle, Husband and I were heading to a baby's first birthday party, and another motorbike turned into our lane without looking at all, and slammed right into us. Husband tried to slow down, but there was no where to swerve to as the median was on our other side. It all seemed in slow motion to me, the bike falling over, the other bike and two passengers almost on top of us, skidding down the road. No helmets. When we came to a stop, Husband jumped up and pulled me up, pulled the bike up, moved us over to the side of the road, and we were instantly surrounded by at least thirty people, watching me cry as Husband used my water bottle to wash off my bleeding elbow. I don't recall what he said to the other bikers, I was kind of shocked that my video game turned harmful, and was grateful that we were both fine and that it was late, around 11pm, so there was less other traffic to worry about as we were skidding and laying there, and getting up and moving to the side of the road. Of course no police were called, no accident reported, no exchanging of insurance information. We just hopped back on the bike and went to the party.

 This morning, there is a bumpy bruise on one knee, and one of my toes is paining. Husband is fine, and says "This is India, babes!" meaning that this is common and we just glare at the other driver and move on.

 Oh India. How I love the way this country will take an observer and make them an active participant. You cannot be apathetic in India.

Lately....

Well....
 I've been online a lot looking at visa stuff for getting my man over to my country. After I got home last time, I consulted a lawyer and he made it seem pretty simple, but he wanted $3600, and that is something I don't have right now. Husband is still getting his paperwork together, so we haven't been too concerned about it, but once I leave here, I wont be able to afford to come back for a long while. I think I can do this without a lawyer, thanks to the plethora of information on the internet (Oh how my life would suck without Google!), but first I need to get home and get a job and an address, so I think it might be a while before I see my sweet man again. Makes me sad.
 My time is winding down. Two weeks until I leave India and about a week and a half until we leave this village and go to Mumbai and Goa. So ready to see something new, and so ready to go home, back to yoga, back to work.
 I have been sick a lot lately. Upset stomach, diarrhea, and sinus issues which have been giving me headaches. I want to do Bikram for 30 days in a row just to get out the toxins I've built up here!
 I wrote down a recipe for a Punjabi dish that my sister-in-law makes. It's called kadhi and it is kind of like a spicy soup with pakoras in it that I put over rice. I like it a lot and it looks pretty easy to make so maybe when I am visiting you, Emily, we can put it in action! Mind you, the recipe is more like a little of this, a pinch of that, a bit of this, some of that, so we shall have to go by looks and taste. :)

 So, forgive me for not posting. I am burnt out.
 And if anyone has any tips on visas and immigration stuff or knows of any web sites I could gather more info, it would be appreciated.
 Hope you all are enjoying life, love, good coffee, and being a productive member of society. Aloha!

Interesting India

Some interesting things that I have read in the news here:
-Monkeys have taken over the runway at Ahmedabad airport. Planes cannot land until they get them cleared out.
-There is usually one story a week about an abandoned baby girl. Seems like boys are still the most wanted. Sad.
-Men buy more beauty products than women, with teenage boys buying the most. Everyone seems to be obsessed with whitening creams and lotions.
-A 20 and 21yr old couple committed suicide when they realized they wouldn't be allowed to marry as they are from different castes. They drank poison.

And an interesting thing I have noticed concerns the babies. The boy babies have eyeliner, and bangles around their wrists and ankles, and get dressed in pink. The toddler boys have long hair. The girl babies are rather plain, sometimes they have eyeliner, and sometimes they have pierced ears. I have taken to asking my niece what gender it is just to be sure.

The other day, Husband took me to a hospital to see a 10 hour old baby, and the poor mother was so exhausted. I felt like we were intruding, but he says it is normal for everyone to come see it as soon as possible. At home, we would wait until the mother was home and ready for visitors.

Husband's car was so dirty that the neighborhood kids were writing in the dust all over it, so one evening after the sun went down, I asked for a bucket, soap and a rag and I went and washed it myself. Needless to say, at first my Mother-in-law couldn't quite figure out why on earth I would want to do that, and I became the entertainment of the neighborhood, as the Indians were quite amused by the foreigner washing the car.

My sister-in-law wants me to teach her some yoga. :)

My friend from Ahmedabad is coming down on Saturday. I hope she brings me the Indian version of People magazine. I am dying to catch up on all the Bollywood news! ;) 

H-O-T

Oh the heat here!!!

 I was warned.

 People, I spent every summer in west Texas, but I don't think the heat was quite like it is here in India. I wake up in the morning full of energy and plans (we sleep with the AC on), but by noon I am sprawled on the bed with my skirt pulled up as far as it can be while still being a somewhat proper Indian wife, zapped of any desire to move. (But I have to move to turn over every once in a while because the parts of the body touching the bed soon become drenched with sweat.) Even a trip to the bathroom takes much gathering of resources and droopy shuffling, with a huge sigh of relief when I return to plop back down. I don't even towel off after showers anymore, because those precious few moments before the drops of water evaporate are pure bliss. I now take two showers a day, sometimes three! Oh my lord.

 And it is only going to get hotter.

Halfway

This week has been full of new adventures!

 Now, don't get too excited. My excitement threshold is such that just leaving the house is cause for celebration. :)

Husband has been fabulous, taking walks with me in the evenings and out on the bike for his errands. He also took me to a couple of libraries to look for books in English. Both of them had about one shelf worth, but they weren't really books I would normally read. I was ready to sign up for a membership, when his cousin mentioned that she has a friend that has a bunch of English books. She called her friend and then came by one afternoon on her moped to take me to the friends house.

Now, just getting to go for a moped ride in Indian traffic is a thrill, but the prospect of more books made me giddy. Every speed bump that jolted my butt off the seat had me giggling like a girl.

 When we arrived, this extremely nice lady sent her teenage daughter out to get us all some ice cream. A moped ride, books, and ice cream?!!!! This has to go down as my favorite day so far!

 She teaches at an English medium school, and offered to ask her principal if I can come to school with her, to chat with the kids, and browse the school library. I would totally be interested, would love to chat with some kids that speak my language, and satisfy my curiosity about schools in India. (When I told my niece of this, she promptly insisted that I come to her school too. So this next week might be busy.) I ended up borrowing 13 books, and have already finished three...

Saturday evening, Husband picked me up and we went to meet his friends for drinks. Since this is a dry state, drinking takes place in people homes. We went to his cousins place, and I chatted with his two little sons and even got to ride a bicycle! I told you, lots of adventures. ;)

So. I am no longer bored. Besides the school visits, the other things I am looking forward to, is, one, my friend from Ahmedabad is coming down next weekend to meet the family and just hang out. She said she would bring me some magazines and I am beyond thrilled. And, two, before I fly home we are planning a trip to Goa! Yes, beautiful beaches and the laid back Indian life await me. I am happy that I will get to see more of this wonderful country.

Right now, I am in our room, and nephew is playing a game on the computer while four of his little friends are gathered around watching. I have no idea what they are saying, but their cheers and laughter are making me smile...