BYTT- Week 4

Red wants more details, so I shall try harder to not let my brain fog get in the way...

Week 4 was rough.

Monday, I felt tired and my throat was a bit scratchy, and Tuesday, it turned into a horrible cough and fever. I tried to get through class in the morning, but I was so ill. When I got to posture clinic, I tried to tell M, the scary dude who runs the sound and yells at us to be quiet, and to my embarrassment I started crying. He told me to see the nurse. She gave me some cough drops, some tylenol, and told me to attend posture clinic, and then see her before the evening class. I spent the entire posture clinic coughing my lungs out. I sat in the back to avoid the freaked out looks from others, and I was miserable. At one point, I laid down on the chairs and must have fallen asleep, because I was rudely shaken awake and reprimanded by the evil queen who runs things around here, K ( I swear I haven't heard of her being the least bit nice to anyone. It's hard enough here without having to deal with people on power trips!), and I am sure that all the students were sorry about that because that was the only time I wasn't hacking!

I ended up having a fever, and missed class that night and both classes on Wed. I went straight to bed every time I got the ok to miss class. And because I coughed so much on Tues, on Wed I had no voice!! It made delivering my Standing Head to Knee dialogue very interesting. Luckily, M was in a good mood that day, and he just told me to get well.

Thursday, I was so anxious to get back into the hot room! I got my temp taken and go the okay from the nurse, and proceeded to get my ass kicked by senior teacher, Emmy. I wasn't as well as I had thought, felt very weak midway through. And Thursday evening, was my low point....

In ten years, I haven't left the room since a few times in the first year. The studio where I first started doing the yoga really stressed not leaving the room and I learned very quickly to just lay on my mat and let the mad feelings that were overwhelming me, just wash over and go away. No need to run from them. Just accept that it is hot and uncomfortable and move on. So leaving the room has never been an issue for me.

But Thursday nights class was with Jim Kallett and the room was so hot and steamy, that there were tons of people falling down and leaving and struggling big time. Even the teachers. In the floor series, (I swear the floor is heated, I think they are roasting us for dinner!) it was actually cooler to sit up and gasp for breath then lay on the mat. I felt so ill, and kept coughing, and I would do the sit up and then lay back down. No strength at all! I must have looked ill, because Sharon, a teacher practicing in the back directly behind me, came up around Rabbit pose and told me to step outside and get some air and then come back. No arguing with a teacher! I got out in the hall and cried for a bit. How humbling. Then smiley, shiny Felix came through on his way back into the hot room and he looked so miserable, but he put his hand out to help me up and I immediately felt energized by his looking out for me even when he was struggling. I went and blew my nose and then went back to my mat and finished the class with strength and intention.

Kind of dangerous, because now I want to leave the room all the time! ;)

Posture clinics are not getting any easier. It is so damn scary to get up in front of 40 something people and hope that your mind doesn't go completely blank. Which it always does. I don't know how I will ever teach a full class. I seriously struggle with this. And it affects the self esteem, and feelings of worth. It seems so easy, but is killing most of us. It helps to know that 99% of us hate this and we are all rooting for each other, but it is still the most uncomfortable thing to do ever. But, a teacher from New Zealand, Simon, said "There is beauty in the struggling" and I am trying to hold onto that and look for the beauty when my mind just wants to call myself names and put myself down.

Future trainees... A piece of advice... Find a roommate that has the courtesy to share the room with you. By share I mean, will occasionally eat and study downstairs so that you can have the room to yourself, to study dialogue out loud, cry into your pillow, skype with your husband, or just veg in alone-ness. My roommate NEVER leaves and it is seriously pissing me off. She sits in the chair by her bed every moment we are not in class. She never showers, and she changes her clothes by the bed, so I seriously NEVER get a single damn moment to myself. I am so sick of hearing her chew her food, that I leave the room and wander the hotel, trying to find a quiet place to think, but in a hotel full of 420 other yogis, it is not that easy. I haven't skyped with my husband since I have been here because I get NO privacy. And yes, I talked to her about it and her response was that she "didn't pay $4000 to have a room just to sit in the hotel somewhere". I think it is incredibly selfish. (I want to punch her in the face. Not very yogi-like, I know!) I leave all the time now, and she gets tons of time to herself. I AM SERIOUSLY GOING CRAZY.

Is that enough detail, Red? :)

Here comes week 5. Bikram comes back, so we can expect more late movie nights and lots of sleep deprivation.They call Week 5 the Hell Week. I have two teacher/friends coming to visit me, so I think it will be a wonderful week.

Wish me luck, and keep me in your prayers. Or send me money to get my own room. ;)

BYTT- Week 3

Sheer carnage.

That is what one person called our Saturday morning class. Saturday morning is our last class before we are free until Monday morning. I think they tried to kill us, to make us afraid for what is to come! I struggled from Tree pose onward. In fact, I did one set of two different postures for the entire floor series. Mostly I just laid on the mat, trying to slow down my breath and trying not to be jealous of all the people leaving the room. (In my opinion, leaving the room is not an option, so you find ways to soothe yourself and bring your crazy mind under control without the relief of running away. It helps with self control, willpower and determination.) My face was tingling, I wanted to puke, I wanted to curl in a ball and cry my eyes out. And after class, my hands were swollen! I think I need to work on more hydration and my electrolyte intake.

But we made it, we survived, and we are that much stronger for it! I need classes like that to remind me what it is like for beginners, as I have been doing this yoga for so long, most classes are easy, breezy for me. We have to remember, so we can find the compassion for the struggling.

This week was easy. I say that because Bikram is gone, so we have been able to go to bed by midnight every night. Enough sleep really does make a difference. I need at least 6 hours to function optimally. We have one more week without Bikram, so sleeping will be my main thing this week! Next week, I have a feeling that the shit will hit the fan!

The pace has been ramped up! After two weeks of watching 420+ people do half moon, I think we got a bit lazy. Posture clinics started this week, and they split us up into groups of about 20, and we are paired with another group and we have to say the postures in front of 3 demonstrators and visiting teachers, who are all staring at you, listening for your mistakes, and telling you what you need to work on. (It is horrible! I have NEVER been comfortable with more than 2 people looking at me, and now there is 40+ and my mind goes blank, and I am sweaty and so uncomfortable! Ugh.) We ended up doing 3 postures this week and I think people were caught off guard. Now you can't go anywhere in this hotel without seeing groups of people with the dialogue in their hands, frantically mumbling to themselves, or reciting to others. I have found a study buddy who I really enjoy and that has helped me immensely. (Thank you AGD!)

We started Anatomy this week as well. There is no pressure there for me as I have already studied Anatomy twice in my other professions, so I am focusing more on the dialogue. Although, the Anatomy teacher is the funniest man ever and who makes anything worth listening to. He is an ER doctor in Vegas, and also a massage therapist, and he used to be a cheerleader! He is so so enjoyable. What a treat to have him after Bikram's long winded lectures!

The friends I am making here are fabulous! There are some fantastic people here and I am already planning trips to visit them. This journey is so intense, that you just cant help but be bonded for life! I am loving my Sunday morning breakfast buddies, my gang that I sit with in lectures, and random people I meet while on the shuttle for grocery shopping trips. The Facebook group page has been a really fun way to plan things, invite people, or just have someone to share your misery with.

I just want to leave you with an idea of the schedule here, so you understand why it is so grueling.

8am- Sign in for class

8.30-10.25ish- 90min Bikram yoga class plus about 25 min to lay on my mat after and catch my breath!

10.30-12noon- Shower, Eat, Study (or jump in the pool for a refreshing cool down)

12noon- Sign in for Lecture or Posture clinics

12.30-415ish- Lecture or posture clinic

4.15-4.30pm- Run upstairs, change into yoga clothes, fill your water bottles, get down to the yoga room

4.30pm- Sign in for class

5pm-7ish- 90min Bikram yoga class plus time for the teacher who goes over (Bikram!) and to lay on my mat in my puddle of sweat after...

7-8.30 or 9pm- Shower, Eat, Study

9 or 9.30- Sign in for Lecture or Posure clinic

9/9.30- 12midnight, 1.30am, 3.30am! -Lecture, Posture clinic, Bollywood movie!

So you see why I can't call you or do anything during the week! We are like zombies, just being told what to do and doing it without a choice. Go, go go! It is funny, because on Saturday, when I finally get some free time, I struggle a bit with what to do as having an option is so weird by that point! :) But, then I am frantically trying to get laundry done, and grocery shop for the week, and study, and get out of the hotel for a bit! Such a strange ride this is.

Knees are holding up. I had some bad days, and then some really good days. I am trying to just trust the process. It is what it is, no use bitching and moaning about it. ;)

Off to sweat now! Bye!

BYTT- Week 2

Ahhhh week two...

This week both flew by and dragged on. Only people who have been through this can understand it! It's like Groundhog Day, every day is exactly the same. Yet, different emotions roll through you at any given time. I had a mostly great week, but did have a small breakdown.

The two yoga classes a day are awesome. It is exactly why I am here. My body is changing so fast. Every part is sore and tight, but my pelvis is opening up, my hamstrings are longer, my legs are looking more defined. My practice is changing by leaps and bounds. Standing bow is being held for longer amounts of time, and I have to admit that I am starting to look beautiful in it. Spine strengthening series is becoming my favorite, my cobra is so awesome and I love it so much. I have only sat out one set of triangle and one set of floor bow and one set of tree/toe stand in the entire two weeks. I feel strong and focused. In the ten years I have practiced this yoga, I have never felt this strong desire to push myself so much. Maybe being surrounded by 421 other yogis is inspiring me.

I love having different teachers every day! It is such a delight to listen to different voices and they all have little nuggets to be gleaned and taken in. Bikram is outrageous, and I haven't decided yet how I feel about his classes. I so want to set up in front of him and receive correction, but since I never know how my knee will hold up, I am afraid to take the chance that he will yell at me when I am struggling with it. One of these days, I will just have to do it anyway!

My knee. Oh my knees.

On Friday, in Tree, my good knee (which has been giving me problems for a few months now, I think because it took too much of the work from my bad knee), popped so loudly that it startled the people around me and scared the shit out of me. As the girl next to me looked over with wide eyes asking if I was okay, I just dropped down and started bawling. I was sleep deprived from only 16 hours of sleep all week long, and irritated from never having a single moment to myself, so the idea that I may have injured my good knee just broke me. I cried through most of the rest of class and a good 30 minutes after. And for evening class I stood in the back on the "sick line" and took it very easy.

I think it is okay, though.

My skeleton is rearranging. My good knee had to do a heck of a lot of work these last two years to cover for the bad knee, so I think it had to happen. They say that we will eventually feel every injury we have ever had, as all this yoga works deeper and deeper in the tissues and layers of the body, rearranging, breaking up scar tissue, and releasing emotions that we hold in our bodies. This kind of thing fascinates me.

The worst part of this is sitting in the chairs for hours of lecture, or dialogue, or Bollywood movies. Our bodies are so stiff and sore, and it really hurts to just sit! We had 3 nights this week that Boss kept us up until 3am, and most other nights ended at 1.30 or 2, so that is a lot of sitting!

My old studio owner came to a morning class and then took me to lunch. It was so nice to talk with her about all this madness!

I have met some wonderful people, and there are so many more to get to know. This is one incredible journey. I am so blessed. This teacher training has been my biggest dream for 10 years, and it is unreal that it is actually happening. I want to write everything down, remember it all, but it is just too much! So much is happening here, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I think I won't fully process it all until years later. Just trying to stay in the moment and enjoy the ride.

Sorry to be so vague. I am in a brain fog this week. I will try to write more when I feel more focused.

There is so, so, so much more to say..... 

BYTT- Week 1

One week down, eight more to go!

Greetings from the madness that is Bikram Yoga Teacher Training! There are 424 of us, and doing yoga in a giant ballroom turned yoga room with that many people is something to experience! 

This week was about meeting Bikram, the staff, each other, and finding the rhythm of how it will be. We have to sign in for everything, lectures and yoga classes, and if you forget, you have to do an extra yoga class on Saturday. With 11 classes a week already, no one wants to do one more!

Bikram has taught most of the evening classes, and they are the hardest for me. He is funny, but can also be a little mean. No one wants to be in his line of sight! There is a mad rush to get in the room to get a spot on the sides or the back, which means that the late comers have to set up right in front of the podium and be judged and called out by the man himself. He is relentless and feisty in the yoga room, and expects a lot from us.

During the lectures, he is different. The first orientation, we all had grins on our faces the entire time, as he is quite the character. He is showy, flamboyant, boastful, proud, funny, demanding, cocky, arrogant, and full of stories and exaggerations. "India is the best country!" "I invented the first disco!" He reminds me of a 12 year old boy-king that has his every demand catered to and doesn't have to lift a finger for himself. 

Hmmm...Kind of like how all Indian boys are treated by their mothers! ;)

We had a Bollywood movie night! We watched http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaho_Naa..._Pyaar_Hai and it was super fun. People who have never seen a Bollywood film always react so funny to all the singing, dancing, and drama. There were laughs when the Indians were sad, and restlessness during the singing and dancing. :) The movie was super long, and kept us up late, but I think everyone enjoyed it. Bikram had a bag of Hindi movies and I looked through them. Lots of good flicks, hope we get to watch more. I want to see something with John Abraham!

All 424 of us have to get up onstage in front of Bikram and everyone and recite the dialogue for the first pose in the series. It is getting tedious hearing the same words over and over, but it is allowing us to see who all is here. There are many countries represented, US, Canada and Australia being the biggest groups, and from countries that some people have never heard of. It is awesome to see how Bikram yoga really has penetrated the entire world. I love listening to all the accents.

When I got up, I told Bikram that I will be moving to India and hopefully teaching yoga there. He asked, "Delhi?" because they are opening a studio there soon. I reminded him that my Husband is near Mumbai, and we chatted for a bit about where Husbo's family lives, and he said, yes, I can teach in India. I am super stoked! I remembered all of the dialogue, but I don't remember what he said about it. I was so nervous, my hands were so sweaty, my heart racing. Speaking in front of 424 people is bad enough, but when you add my future Boss to the mix, it is so nerve wracking!!!

Anyway, I need to get ready for yoga class. It is the beginning of week 2, and I have a lot to do. I am loving this yoga bubble, being surrounded by people who love this yoga as much as I do, and I love talking about the postures with them. I love doing two classes a day, although my old knee injury is bothered by it. I am hoping that I am working through scar tissue, and it will eventually be completely healed. I love having all these different teachers, and I learn something new every time.

I feel strong, peaceful, happy. 

Bikram Yoga Teacher Training Spring 2012!!!!!!

Hello all!!!

I am in LA, and today I check into the hotel for the Bikram Yoga Teacher Training! There are 415 of us goofy yoga nerds that wish to become teachers. I can't wait to make new friends, and I can't wait to do lots and lots of yoga!

The last 2 weeks on my island were insanely busy, and some things came up that made my stress level so high, I thought I wouldn't make it. I wasn't able to do much yoga, but I did make sure to get a few massages, and my dear friends were good at pulling my mind out of the depths of despair. But, life goes on, and I am here, about to start this insane roller coaster ride.

For those of you who don't know what this is about, Bikram yoga is a 90 min class of 26 postures done in a room that is 105 degrees f. (40c for all my Indian friends) :) I have been doing this yoga for 10 years, and have wanted to do the Training for almost that long. Last year, at this time, I was in India visiting Husbo, and I was obsessed with reading all of the blogs from the people going through it. And, I did a class in Mumbai, and decided that I CAN live in India, if I have a job to keep me busy.

So, this is the first step to moving to India. I will become a Teacher, and hopefully get sent to India to teach yoga, and spend time with my Husbo while we are waiting endlessly for the green card. I really do want to learn Hindi! What a fun adventure it would be.

This Teacher Training is 9 weeks long, and we do the 90 min class twice a day, and there are anatomy classes, lectures, posture clinics, and even Bollywood films! We are taught by Bikram himself, and his amazing staff. I am overjoyed to be starting this adventure!

Let the madness begin!!!

One step closer to John Abraham ;)

Sooooooooooo.......

 I am going to the Bikram Yoga Teacher Training!!!! It is April 15-June 17 in LA with Bikram himself. I am so, so, so happy. And, AND, I will be going to teach in INDIA!!!! I am stoked! There are two studios in Mumbai, and that is where I requested to be. Husbo can come visit me on the weekends. I will get to teach yoga, learn Hindi, live in one of the biggest cities in the world, and see husbo more often!!

I have no idea how this will affect his green card. I need to contact a lawyer.

I guess I will be packing up my life here on my little island, selling my truck, and heading out for the bigger world.

And, of course I shall be blogging. Now that I have something interesting happening, I shall be blogging, blogging, blogging. So, I apologize in advance, as this blog will become a Teacher Training blog from April 15 til June 17, but then it will be all about my adventures in India again! Oh the possibilities! John Abraham! ;)

Still waiting..................................

.............for the NOA 2. That is the notice that the USCIS has accepted my petition, and will be sending it along to the National Visa Center for the next steps. This part can take up to 3 months, so hold your horses, peeps, my man won't be here anytime soon.

In the meantime, it sucks, sucks, sucks, to be so far from him and have no more plans to visit in the immediate future. If anyone would like to buy me a plane ticket to Mumbai for Christmas, I would accept with with gratefulness, and love you forever! ;)

I am just busy trying to get back into my life catch up from all the time off I took. Working hard, and enjoying my island. I am doing a Bikram yoga 60 day challenge, and I feel amazing! (Day #37 today if you are curious.) I read the yoga Teacher Training blogs obsessively because I want to become a teacher and teach in India someday. How fun would it be to teach this yoga that I have been obsessed with for 10 years(!) in the place where yoga came from! And what if John Abraham came to take my class, and decided that I am his favorite teacher and offers to take me to his next movie premiere and.... Oops! Did I get lost in lala-land?  :)

John Abraham!

Anyhoo, just a quick update. I need to sleep now... Goodnight all...