Not a bed of roses....

It's been difficult.

Lots of adjusting.

I took Husband to my family reunion. He enjoyed meeting everyone and everyone liked him. He tried bacon for the first time and liked it. In fact, he has been very good about trying things, food-wise. Unlike me in India. :) He likes how clean our streets are. He likes the look of our semi trucks. He likes how quiet it is compared to India and he says the weather is wonderful.

 But things are going on with his family back in India that make him feel guilty for being here. I am not happy here, and am paying so much to sublet this apartment, that we have no money to go out for dinner or even drinks, let alone do anything fun. Thank God his Uncle is feeding us at his restaurant. Husband goes to the restaurant every day, to have tea with Uncle, to sit and chat in Hindi, to call the family back in India, to watch cricket, whatever. I go to work. Occasionally, I go eat at the restaurant. We barely see each other. It's weird. Maybe it will be different if we go back to my island, but at this point, he might have to go back to India. Things are not good back there.

 I have enjoyed a few road trips. I have gotten to see lots of old friends and do some continuing education classes. Seeing my niece more often has been such a blessing. Doing yoga with old teachers has been wonderful, and I even got to teach a couple of classes! So I am glad to be here on one hand, and on the other I am just shaking my head at my continuing impulsiveness. I always plan these mad, exciting adventures when I have very little money, and then when I get down to $10 to my name, I have a freak out. It happens so often, you would think I would be used to it, but, no, every time it takes me by surprise! :)

We are just hanging on through the summer, and then we have to make some decisions. I can't afford to have him come back to my island with me. I will need to couch surf while I make enough money to buy a car and get a place. His Uncle doesn't really have room for him to stay here. So he might go back to India and work while I go back to the island and work. I don't even think he wants to live in the US. In India, he lives like a king. His mom feeds him and takes care of him, he is surrounded by family, and he works for the family business, the job he's been doing since he was 17. Here, he has no skills and would have to start from scratch. As a 38 year old man, that is hard to handle. I have a hard time taking care of myself, and I am so much in debt that I can't see how it can possibly work.

 Maybe we made a mistake. We like each other, but when reality kicks you in the face, it is depressing. I am not able to see a positive future for us, unless we will both be happy just living in our own countries and then visiting each other every year, and what kind of marriage is that? He is a positive person and thinks everything will work out, and I am just tired of all the struggle. It's been a long struggle to get him here, and if the damn government would have just given him a tourist visa, he could have visited a long time ago and then decided what to do. Now we've done all of this immigration thing, and we don't know if he can live here. I am so tired.

I guess I am destined to be a single wife forever.

Let's begin again...

I don't even know where to begin to catch up with this blog.

Husband is finally coming.

I have bounced around a lot in the last two years. I am still living out of a suitcase. I cannot seem to settle. I have been on and off this island so much, and it is looking like I have to leave again.

Husbo wants to live near family. I get that. He has an Aunt, Uncle, and cousin in the Pacific Northwest city that I lived in for 8 years and he wants to live there while he gets used to my country. I get it, but it doesn't make it easier for me. I left that city for this island because the weather almost killed me. I just got back 5 months ago, found a beautiful studio with a view of the ocean, and started two new jobs. Now he wants me to pack up and move. I am dragging my feet and just feeling so torn.

I have to be a good wife, right? Compromise and all of that? Ugh.

But, I have to admit, the opportunities for teaching yoga and learning to be a better teacher will be much better on the mainland. I have been teaching about 2 classes a week here and it is going well,but I am a bit stuck. The owners are not on island, and most of the teachers don't practice, so I really don't get any feedback or mentoring. It is nice to have the space to get comfortable with teaching and challenge myself in certain ways, but I know that if I am to get better, then I have to go somewhere else.

So I gotta go, right? I have two months to decide.

I am very excited at having him with me in my country. There is so much to show him! After years of being a single wife, with a relationship mostly through Skype and FB chat, it will be nice to actually live our lives at the same time and place. Everything is about to change.

I am so ridiculously nervous and terrified of making the wrong decisions. What is best for all parties?

How will this work so that both of us will be happy?

The next few months will be a strange time of anticipation, transition, and adjustment.

yikes.

BYTT Week 8

Week 8 was good.

They got the heat fixed and the first few classes were killer!

It seemed like an easy week. No late nights. Everyone seemed to be focused on the coming weekend, which were the International Yoga Championships.

Thursday we had a pizza/dance party and that was a lot of fun. No lecture! Getting to see everyone in their finest clothes, and having a good time was priceless. Lots of photos were taken, and it was a pleasure to see the staff having a good time as well. The DJ was Bikram's son, Anurag.

Friday night's class was packed. Because of the competition, there were hundreds more people in the hot room. It was a great class, Bikram was funny and shocking, in good form, and after class he announced that we wouldn't be having lecture as they needed to take all the lecture chairs and set them up in the ballroom for the competition. However, he would be having an optional movie later if anyone wanted to join him.

I went to dinner with my two best dudes L & J. Ribs, potatoes, mac and cheese, cornbread, mmmmm...
When we got back, we checked out the movie situation, that was supposed to start at 9, but it being Indian Time, was no where near starting and it was already 10. I was about to head up to bed when a girl invited me to her room to watch a movie with a couple of other girls. So nice to hang out with girls!

All week, I started saving myself 2 seats in lecture and then offering one to a late comer that looked interesting. So I met a few more nice people, and one of them ended up being someone I have been hanging out with pretty regularly this week. She is from Texas and her and her little crew are quite girly, but I enjoy their company. They do a lot of laughing, and most importantly, they enjoy my company as well. It is so nice to be regularly invited to do things! We spent Saturday having a late breakfast (with lots of flirting with the staff!) and some shopping, and a little Hermosa beach time, and dinner at an Indian place. They are definitely people that I want to stay in touch with.

Saturday and Sunday for the competition, there were tons of vendors here and it was such a delight to see all the different brands of hot yoga clothes! I had no idea so many existed. There were lots I had never heard of, and some that I had heard of and it was fun to check it all out. The bathroom was full of girls trying stuff on and complimenting each other on things, and asking, "Where did you get that?!". There is no shyness amongst us Trainees anymore.

The competition was nice. I saw the Men on Sunday. The best part about it all was the MC was Craig Villani!! He used to run Teacher Training and he is one of the best teachers in the world. I had a posture clinic with him on my island a few years ago, and I learned more in his class than I have in the last 3 years. He is a wealth of knowledge and is super passionate about the yoga. He now runs a yoga retreat in the south of France, and my next goal is to attend that! I went up and chatted with him for a bit. Such a nice, wonderful, amazing man. The highlight of my weekend for sure!

I am so looking forward to moving on from here. I have no idea where I am going next. And the more I think about it, the more it stresses me out. So I will just stay safely in the yoga bubble, and not let the outside intrude until Sunday the 17th when I have to check out of this hotel and go.... somewhere.... :)

BYTT-Week 7

Derailed!

Week 7 started off with Memorial Day and while we still had the dreaded posture clinic, they let us out early and announced that we had the evening off! What??! No class? Unbelievable. Then the loud music started, coming from the pool, and we realized it was a pool party! Everyone was stoked.

And then things got messy. Tuesday morning's class was cold. Barely any heat at all. And when we all showed up for the 5pm class, they told us it was cancelled. We were having a hard time believing it. TWO nights in a row of no class? A bunch of people scrambled for rides to some local studios to catch class. We were in a regime here, our bodies have been conditioned for two classes a day, and it was weird not to have class. And then in lecture that night, we were told there would be no class the next morning either...

We didn't have class from Tuesday night to Friday night. Turns out that one of the Trainees called the fire department about the yoga room. I guess there were some safety issues that he noticed. The fire department shut us down. What a mess.

They continued to have lectures and posture clinics, but no yoga. And people started to get cranky. The yoga is why we are here. And sitting in those dang lecture chairs for hours on end can only be tolerated when you know you can stretch it out in class later. And they pretty much kept us in the dark about everything, and changed up our schedule, and pretty much flew by the seat of their pants when deciding what to do with us.

So from having a rigid schedule for 6 weeks, to having all this chaos, really brought out some interesting emotions.

For me, I really saw how much of a loner I am. I guess I didn't really make any friends here. All the free time had people grouping together for classes at other studios, or going out to dinner, and I never got invited. I asked a few people to PLEASE let me know about a yoga outing, let me squeeze in, and no one ever remembered. I kept asking people to go out to dinner, but they had plans with their Group, or they wanted to do something else. There was even a night when we were let out of lecture early and a bunch of people went to the beach and a girl came up and invited the girl I was chatting with and completely ignored me. I never felt so invisible. That was my week. The week of feeling invisible.

I'll admit: I had 2 expectations for this experience, and both of them have been shattered into pieces. Yes, I know you shouldn't have expectations, but how is that any different from setting an intention? I intended to really work hard at healing my knee, and that didn't happen, in fact, it feels worse most days, and I intended to make some really good girlfriends. I made a lot of girl acquaintances but no friends. I don't think I will keep in touch with any females I have met here.

However, toward the end of the week, after a lot of reflection, I realized that my strength is my alone-ness. I was a very shy home schooled teenager, who had 5 brothers, so I spent time either alone daydreaming or reading, or with my brothers and their friends. I feel very comfortable around dudes, and they feel comfortable around me. I do enjoy the freedom to move around, sit next to a new person every lecture, instead of always with a group, and I did make some good friends here that are male. Yes, my weekend laundry and breakfast buddies, and the people I eat dinner with in the hotel lobby are guys. I didn't see it until the end of this week, and it was a strange revelation that I am still processing. I am stronger alone, and I  draw male friends. Maybe it is because I am comfortable being alone, that men like to hang with me? Because I don't need companionship all the time? I think this is something I didn't know about myself until this mad journey, and I am still trying to figure it all out.

So, because we didn't have yoga all week, when they finally did get it fixed, they decided that we should have class on the weekend too. Normally, we have an 8am class on Saturday and we are free until Monday. But now we had to come to class at 8am and 5pm on Saturday AND Sunday. (And some people who had make up classes had to do THREE in one day!) So no days off! People were PISSED. There were some who had tickets to a baseball game, plans for a day at Disneyland, dinner reservations, one guy was even supposed to be in a wedding! It threw everyone in a tizzy. The staff told us that this is part of the journey, unexpected things will always come up, and you have to learn to roll with it.

But now that things are back to normal, I am noticing that the derailment changed a lot of people. Getting off the routine has made people not care anymore. Some of my most dedicated to learning the dialogue group-mates have told me that they just don't care. They are over it. Just counting down the days. I feel the same. I feel like we are done. It is so hard to get back on the roller coaster after it stopped with such abruptness mid-journey.

We have had some interesting lectures lately. Not sure what they have to do with the yoga, but at least some of them have been entertaining. In posture clinics, we are now stringing together 3 postures at a time. A lot of people have their first class of teaching already scheduled back home.

I don't really know what is happening with me yet. I think I am going to India, but I haven't heard anything about it since I have been here. I am just too tired to really care. I am literally $1000 away from living on the streets. I have no job, no car, no where to go, and am almost out of money. (And no, I don't have a savings account. When I say last $1000, that is exactly what I mean. I will spend this thousand and then have to hold up a sign on a street corner. I am that broke.) I spent everything I had to come here, and I really hope it will be worth it. Sometimes, when I want something, I really go for it, without taking the time to wonder if it is the right time. I am too impulsive, I think. But this was something I wanted for so long, so I am proud of myself for accomplishing it. I have always thought of myself as a dreamer, but now I can say I am a do-er as well. :)

BYTT- Week 6

Light at the end of the tunnel....................

Oh goodness. Only 3 weeks left. Yippie!

Everyone keeps telling us to enjoy every minute, that we will miss this when we leave, blah, blah, blah...
I am anxious to be done with this madness, to move on with my life, to have some time alone.

This week ended much better than week 5. We had a really good teacher from NYC, Tricia Donegan, who also sat in one of my posture clinics. She was just too cool. And Friday we had the double pleasure of Sharon from Headquarters, who most of us had communicated when signing up for this madness, and her fiancee, Balwan, a beautiful soul, a man who goes around with a permanent smile, a soft giggle, and encouraging words for absolutely everyone. Sharon's class was quick, no nonsense, and easy going. And Balwan's! Balwan's was the highlight of this training so far! On Friday night, we were all just so burned out and tired, ready for the weekend. But when people saw him put on the mic, and realized that he was teaching, the cheers and claps, whistles, and screams that erupted and spread through the room were invigorating and energizing. He got the loudest and longest reception I have ever heard for anyone with a mic. It was kind of like a rock star was taking the stage, but with so much love. We love him, and that showed. His good cheer touches even the most bitter of us, and is magnetic. His class was funny, sweet, and energizing. He threw out nuggets, and jokes. And even his mistakes were humble and oh so cute. We were all energized and in harmony, moving as one. I loved this class.

The yoga is crazy.

I am so stiff and sore. My muscles are screaming at me all the time. Most of my classes are just a struggle to get through. But then one day, out of nowhere, I will do a pose and my body will just go into it, and then keep going! The posture will just turn into the best posture of my life, and I will be so surprised. And then the next day, I can't do it like that again, but the knowledge that I did once, and that I might again, is addictive and keeps me eagerly coming back to the mat. I can't wait to see what my practice looks like after I get back to a regular schedule. They say our bodies will open up AFTER we leave Training. So exciting.

Posture Clinics are ok. I still hate getting up there, but I no longer freeze like I used to. I can tell that once I figure out how to channel the nervous energy into the teaching, it will be easy breezy. But I haven't figured that out yet. :) I still wonder how the heck I am supposed to string this all together into a 90min class, but it terrifies me, so let's stop thinking about it, shall we?

One of my teachers from my island, F, came to visit Friday and Saturday. He is so passionate about the yoga. It is a delight to be considered a peer by this wise and distinguished gentleman. Our old studio owner from the island, who now lives here in LA, came and took class with us Saturday morning, and then took F & I to brunch in Santa Monica, a nice little walk around the grounds of Yogananda's Self Realization Fellowship, and some yummy gelato. We spent most of the time talking about teaching and about F's dream of opening a studio in his native country, and us coming to work for him. This yoga can take one anywhere!

F&I went to a movie on Saturday afternoon.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Best_Exotic_Marigold_Hotel.
It's about some British retirees who retire to a place in India. It is not what they expected, but everything works out in the end. So charming, and made me miss India so much!

The best part about this week was our Thursday and Friday guest lecturer, Jon Burras .http://www.jonburras.com/bio.html
He spoke to us about Fascia, the connective tissue that wraps around everything in the body, and had lots of cool toys and visuals. He told us of how we store emotions and traumas in the body (if we don't express it then the body holds onto it and puts it somewhere in our tissues. It can manifest as pain.), and how the yoga can bring it up. He talked about a lot of other things as well, some of which are: how fit is not necessarily healthy, and how our language of sport has become the language of war, how he believes technology is killing us, how flat feet are better for us, and how children should sleep with their parents. This last one kind of inflamed people. It was exciting to see how people get all riled up by him. I guess it happens at every Training (he's been teaching at Training for 13 years!), and he watches the crowd to see how much he can get away with. After being in India, and seeing how my 14yr old niece and 10yr old nephew still sleep in their parents' bed, and how close they are to the family, and how they are not sullen bratty kids like most American kids, I think that somehow the West got it all wrong. Separation from the beginning only leads to separation in the end.

Actually, I agreed with every word this man said. Every word. And it inspired and and made me feel like I was supposed to be at Training just to know about this man. I bought his book, and I am eating up all his online articles. Finally! One thing at Training that put a smile on my face!

So, here we go. Week 7 is under way. We are on the second to last posture, and I am wondering what is in store when we finish. Probably more late night movies! Haven't see Bikram very much this Training, and we only saw Rajashree 3 times. Strange...

I just want to throw a thank you out to a staff member, Jake. He took the time to ask me how I was doing, and told me of his own struggles when he was at Training. His kindness helped me get through the week. Most of the staff stick to each other and don't really bother with us except to tell us what to do, but Jake goes out of his way to friend everyone and give pep talks when needed. If I ever come back to Training to help out, I will remember his kindness and pass it on. It helps immensely when a staff member notices you and cares to ask how you are holding up. In this sea of 420 other needy yogis, it is easy to feel lost and adrift. Just knowing that one staff member knows my name and how I have struggled, makes me want to hang on and try a little harder. If he could do it, then I can do it.

Only 3 more weeks......

BYTT Week 5

Yes, I am in Hell.

This post might be pretty negative, so read at your own risk (Mom!)....

This week started off so wonderful. My mentor/friend N, (a teacher in NY who came out to my island in 2010 for a month and we just clicked right away) got here Monday. I just loved having her here to talk about all this stuff with. She is so relaxed and easy going, and a fabulous person. She gave me some inside scoops, like who was scheduled to teach that night, or what the staff was saying about us burning through posture clinics so fast, so we might have to watch more Bollywood movies to slow us down. It was fun having someone to eat my meals with that was not a trainee.

(At this point, I am just starting to get burned out. Just sick of being surrounded by hundreds of yogis, sick of hearing dialogue, sick of always waiting in lines, sick of everything about this. Since I can't just hang out in my room, I keep searching for someplace to study alone, and.. there. is. NO. place. to. be. alone. I am someone who recharges by being alone, so I have burned out my battery here folks. I am toast.)

My other friend, T, who was my roomie on my island, and also came to India last year and spent a week with me and my Husbo, came for recertification. So I was distracted by two friends, and was having a great week until about Thursday.

Rajashree finally came. Her classes are sweet. She asks us questions and tells us how lucky we are, and gives gentle pushes to keep trying. So unlike her bossy husband! I love listening to the Indian accent!

Wednesday, everyone was so excited as it was the halfway point of TT. And Friday, all the recertifying Teachers came so we had 120+ extra bodies in the yoga room. They said Friday night, Bikram's class, had 600 people, was 130 degrees, was 2.5 hours long and was being filmed.  Bikram was in a mood that night. He told stories between every posture, yelled at the visiting teachers for letting themselves go, and was very entertaining. I loved every second of it. I felt great.

I think it is interesting that as my mood and outlook outside the hot room has deteriorated, my yoga practice has gotten better. All my classes at the end of the week, were strong, focused, and energizing.

But outside the yoga room, something has taken over me.

I am struggling. The posture clinics have gotten worse. I am gripped with an irrational fear, and nervousness that wipes my mind of everything I thought I had memorized. I get up there and can't think, can't breathe. I can't remember any feedback, and I hate myself.

Yes, Hell is my mind this week, telling me how stupid I am. I am really hating myself, and berating myself, and feeling so unworthy and full of shit. What the heck am I doing here? I don't deserve any of this. I can't be a teacher, I can't even remember my own name standing in front of people. I don't want to be me this week. I am super envious of absolutely everyone else, because I am convinced that they are all much better than me in every aspect imaginable, and I am the scum of the earth.

Hell.

So Friday night, they sprung a Posture Clinic on us, after we had done so many already, and they had even given us the hope of having the night off because Bikram was going to lecture to all the recert Teachers. Everyone was unprepared. I was completely numb. I had finished Wind Removing pose right before class, and did not even look at Cobra. So in PC, a fellow groupie got up and told them he hadn't looked at it, they told him to just wing it, and I thought I could do the same. I mean, I have done this yoga for 10 years, I have heard this dialogue thousands of times, why can't I just visualize what is happening and say it???

But my mood was so black and ugly, and when I got up there, of course I froze and went blank, and I don't remember what I said, but it was shit, and then I started crying. Yep, I am that girl. The one who lost it in public. But seeing as how I don't ever get any privacy EVER, I guess it was bound to happen in public. (Although, it would have been much better if it would have happened in the hot room, when no one would have noticed!)

I cried and they made me say the posture that I didn't know, AGAIN, and I said exactly the same things. She said it was better, and I said how could it possibly be better, as I said it exactly the same. She said it is because I was taking myself seriously the second time. Yes, hating my guts, being totally embarrassed and trying to hold back more tears was much better. I honestly don't get this. I can't seem to please anyone, and I am more and more miserable every day. I am seriously doubting my ability to teach this yoga. I am doubting whether I even want to.

After they let us go, I sat in the stairwell between the 10th and 11th floors and cried my eyes out. Even then, people came by. There is just NO place to be alone.

So before N left, she gave me a sweet card with a message that she got me a hotel room down the street for Saturday night. So I could have one night all alone. So wonderful. I studied dialogue, and took an epsom salt bath, and tried to Skype with Husbo but the internet wasn't working. :(

I think it's pretty sad that in order to have some alone time, I have to get another room. The selfishness of my roommate is pretty amazing isn't it? Both N and T, came up to the room to shower on different days, and while I was in the shower, both had the opportunity to observe her just sitting in her damn chair, just chewing. That's all she does, sit there and chew. N nicknamed her The Chewer. They both said it was kind of creepy. She just stares into space and chews. It is so creepy that I leave the room constantly. I can't stand to listen to it anymore. I want to change rooms. Is that even possible? I would rather have the noisiest, messiest roommate that will leave the room occasionally than have this one that refuses to leave EVER, and does nothing but sit in that chair and chews.

I know. I am allowing her to steal my peace. But I am not a big-hearted yogi this week. I am a pissed off, full of self hatred, depressed, scared little girl this week. I am in Hell for certain. Hell is a black mind, I am sure of it. Does it get better?

BYTT- Week 4

Red wants more details, so I shall try harder to not let my brain fog get in the way...

Week 4 was rough.

Monday, I felt tired and my throat was a bit scratchy, and Tuesday, it turned into a horrible cough and fever. I tried to get through class in the morning, but I was so ill. When I got to posture clinic, I tried to tell M, the scary dude who runs the sound and yells at us to be quiet, and to my embarrassment I started crying. He told me to see the nurse. She gave me some cough drops, some tylenol, and told me to attend posture clinic, and then see her before the evening class. I spent the entire posture clinic coughing my lungs out. I sat in the back to avoid the freaked out looks from others, and I was miserable. At one point, I laid down on the chairs and must have fallen asleep, because I was rudely shaken awake and reprimanded by the evil queen who runs things around here, K ( I swear I haven't heard of her being the least bit nice to anyone. It's hard enough here without having to deal with people on power trips!), and I am sure that all the students were sorry about that because that was the only time I wasn't hacking!

I ended up having a fever, and missed class that night and both classes on Wed. I went straight to bed every time I got the ok to miss class. And because I coughed so much on Tues, on Wed I had no voice!! It made delivering my Standing Head to Knee dialogue very interesting. Luckily, M was in a good mood that day, and he just told me to get well.

Thursday, I was so anxious to get back into the hot room! I got my temp taken and go the okay from the nurse, and proceeded to get my ass kicked by senior teacher, Emmy. I wasn't as well as I had thought, felt very weak midway through. And Thursday evening, was my low point....

In ten years, I haven't left the room since a few times in the first year. The studio where I first started doing the yoga really stressed not leaving the room and I learned very quickly to just lay on my mat and let the mad feelings that were overwhelming me, just wash over and go away. No need to run from them. Just accept that it is hot and uncomfortable and move on. So leaving the room has never been an issue for me.

But Thursday nights class was with Jim Kallett and the room was so hot and steamy, that there were tons of people falling down and leaving and struggling big time. Even the teachers. In the floor series, (I swear the floor is heated, I think they are roasting us for dinner!) it was actually cooler to sit up and gasp for breath then lay on the mat. I felt so ill, and kept coughing, and I would do the sit up and then lay back down. No strength at all! I must have looked ill, because Sharon, a teacher practicing in the back directly behind me, came up around Rabbit pose and told me to step outside and get some air and then come back. No arguing with a teacher! I got out in the hall and cried for a bit. How humbling. Then smiley, shiny Felix came through on his way back into the hot room and he looked so miserable, but he put his hand out to help me up and I immediately felt energized by his looking out for me even when he was struggling. I went and blew my nose and then went back to my mat and finished the class with strength and intention.

Kind of dangerous, because now I want to leave the room all the time! ;)

Posture clinics are not getting any easier. It is so damn scary to get up in front of 40 something people and hope that your mind doesn't go completely blank. Which it always does. I don't know how I will ever teach a full class. I seriously struggle with this. And it affects the self esteem, and feelings of worth. It seems so easy, but is killing most of us. It helps to know that 99% of us hate this and we are all rooting for each other, but it is still the most uncomfortable thing to do ever. But, a teacher from New Zealand, Simon, said "There is beauty in the struggling" and I am trying to hold onto that and look for the beauty when my mind just wants to call myself names and put myself down.

Future trainees... A piece of advice... Find a roommate that has the courtesy to share the room with you. By share I mean, will occasionally eat and study downstairs so that you can have the room to yourself, to study dialogue out loud, cry into your pillow, skype with your husband, or just veg in alone-ness. My roommate NEVER leaves and it is seriously pissing me off. She sits in the chair by her bed every moment we are not in class. She never showers, and she changes her clothes by the bed, so I seriously NEVER get a single damn moment to myself. I am so sick of hearing her chew her food, that I leave the room and wander the hotel, trying to find a quiet place to think, but in a hotel full of 420 other yogis, it is not that easy. I haven't skyped with my husband since I have been here because I get NO privacy. And yes, I talked to her about it and her response was that she "didn't pay $4000 to have a room just to sit in the hotel somewhere". I think it is incredibly selfish. (I want to punch her in the face. Not very yogi-like, I know!) I leave all the time now, and she gets tons of time to herself. I AM SERIOUSLY GOING CRAZY.

Is that enough detail, Red? :)

Here comes week 5. Bikram comes back, so we can expect more late movie nights and lots of sleep deprivation.They call Week 5 the Hell Week. I have two teacher/friends coming to visit me, so I think it will be a wonderful week.

Wish me luck, and keep me in your prayers. Or send me money to get my own room. ;)